Raging Against the World

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Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Worst Doctor Who book ever written.

No, not Sanctuary by David McIntee. Not “Who Killed Kennedy”, though that comes close.  Nor do I mean that one by Kate Orman set in Japan. Not even the Devil Goblins of Mars or the risible snoreathon Vampire Science. Worse even than the one where they have Dodo die of a sexually transmitted disease (yes, that actually was written and published). I’m talking about Lungbarrow. A book stuffed to the gills with the most appalling Fanwank that it leaves a nasty taste in the mouth while you’re reading it. This, however, is not a popular opinion.

I am, as usual, in a minority. People like the multiple K9s, Romana and Leela existing in the same period of time, despite their adventures being separated by more than a human lifespan. The Doctor as a Boy, bunking off school (where, incidentally, he is taught by an android in the shape of a giant moose), Looms (LOOMS! They rewrite Gallifreyans themselves as not born in a mammalian way! The arrogance of that!), witches on Gallifrey and a big RESET button at the end.

But every time I say what a bloody awful book it is (there’s one now on eBay.com selling for $83.99!!) people still insist on defending it. You can’t reason with some people. I fear I may have to re-read it to write a definitive blog on how utterly atrocious it is. Was it this book where the 7th Doctor assassinates the 6th? I can’t remember, but if I’m going to slag off this maddening unpleasance of a book I may have to soil my mind once more.

Oh, and Leela has a baby.

Charles Dickens writes…

THE CHIMES

A Goblin Story

OF SOME BELLS

THAT RANG AN OLD YEAR OUT

AND A NEW ONE IN

~~~~~

CHARACTERS

Sir Joseph Bowley, MP, an old and stately gentleman

Master Bowley, son of the preceding

Alderman Cute, a man priding himself on his plain practical knowing character

Will Fern, a poor and honest man, but who has been given a bad name

Mr Filer, a disconsolate gentleman of middle age

Mr Fish, confidential secretary to Sir Joseph Bowley

Richard, a handsome young smith

Tugby, porter to Sir James Bowley

Toby Veck (“Trotty”), a ticket-porter

Lady Bowley, wife of Sir Joseph Bowley

Mrs Anne Chickenstalker, keeper of a ‘general shop’

Lillian Fern, an orphan; niece to Will Fern

Margaret Veck, daughter of Toby Veck

~~~~~

Now doesn’t that just sound like the most amazing book?!!  I can’t wait to find out what happens.  Maybe Mrs Chickenstalker and Alderman Cute will have some sort of relationship, only time will tell…

Go. Go now. It’s comedy gold!

I don’t usually recommend peoples’ websites, but every link on this guy’s site is comedy gold.

See http://www.27bslash6.com/strata.html, http://www.27bslash6.com/ikea.html and most importantly http://www.27bslash6.com/slyseb.html

Then try to stop yourself from clicking every link.

My favourite thing is what his son said:

On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up

“Either a model or a police sniper.”

For the first time since 1964…

I had a flash of inspiration and have ascertained exactly where the Doctor Who 8mm clip comes from!

My god that took a lot of figuring out and it’s nice to have it sorted on Doctor Who day.  Happy 46th everyone!

Today’s Mental Spam #2

Too loudly, and would fain have abandoned practice for theory. Hi, i am Monique Kaprisky. Slots Discipline – Your Key To A Fortune!

Sonya was sitting at the clachord, playing the prelude to denisovs favorite barcarolle. Of his former bachelor acquaintances many were no longer in petersburg.

Who, me?

You must mean someone else.

I just got nominated for being Over the Top with my blog.  At first I thought someone was saying my blog’s crap and why don’t I stop, or in the immortal words of Arthur Daley: “Someone’s having a pop at me!” but then reading his page I realised Mr Maekitso (“warp one, engage!”) was actually bestowing upon me a compliment.

For I just write the occasional entry, usually just a wibble, about whatever happens to interest me at that moment in time.  But clicking on the over entries my heart sank a whole lot.  Starting with the blog from the American girl who went to Japan, I saw a well-designed site with a rather witty entry about jaunting off to the land of the rising sun.

Way better than me.  It looks good, it’s funny.  Mine is the bog-standard wordpress layout.  I not only don’t know how to change the layout of mine, I am not artistically minded.  I can tell you what looks good, but I can’t design a page myself.  I’d love a cool banner or bright colours and a layout I personally endorse.

But I clicked through his links and they are, by god, damn stylish.  Not like mine at all.  I stick out like a sore thumb.

Anyway, enough of my whining, let’s get this questionnaire completed!

1. Where is your mobile phone?

On the bed, out of reach

2. Your hair?

It is on my head

3. Your mother?

no comment.

4. Your father?

ditto.  no-one here cares about my family.  Let’s move on.

5. Your favorite food?

Steak and Kidney Pie, Lasagne, Curry, Creamy Chicken with rice.

6. Your dream last night?

Dreams fade away in the first few seconds of waking up.  I’m not sure if I dreamt or not.

7. Your favorite drink?

Flavoured Milk.  Or just milk.  I am a milkoholic.

8. Your dream/goal?

I have this dream where I’m being chased by… oh, ok.  I would like to have a job where I can do something I enjoy.  I would like to be valued and paid according to my worth.  I would like a house with a front and back garden and  a fireplace.  And a lovely girlfriend.

9. What room are you in?

the room.  I live in what is laughingly referred to as a ‘studio flat’.

10. Your hobby?

Video editing.

11. Your fear?

Dying alone.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?

See 8.

13. Where were you last night?

Kalimdor and Eastern Kingdoms.

14. Something that you aren’t?

Happy.

15. Muffins?

Yes please.

16. Wish list item?

to be independently wealthy so that I didn’t have to work for anyone.

17. Where did you grow up?

on the mean streets of Surrey.

18. Last thing you did?

I typed the answer to number 17.

19. What are you wearing?

pervert.  you get your kicks asking that do you?   you disgust me!

20. Your TV?

grey with a glassy screen

21. Your Pets?

(Deceased)

22. Friends?

Hah!

23. Your life?

What about it?

24. Your mood?

Despondent.

25. Missing Someone?

always

26. Vehicle?

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle.

27. Something you’re not wearing?

rubber galoshes.

28. Your favorite store?

People have a favourite store?  They’ll be having favourite roads next.

29. Your favorite colour?

Black.

30. When was the last time you laughed?

last night, watching Laurel and Hardy’s “Brats”.

31. Last time you cried?

I weep for the future.

32. Your best friend?

all applicants gratefully received.

33. One place that I go to over and over?

the local shop.  I’ve run out of milk.

34. Facebook?

i’m done with it.

35. Favorite place to eat?

in my mouth and then my stomach.

oh, I ran out of questions 😦

Today’s mental spam

This was the signal for the attack on the part of the spaniards.

 

Hello, i am Pricilla England

May be you need to try it

[link removed]

 

With happy, exhausted faces, they laid the old wolf, alive, on a shying and snorting horse and, accompanied by the dogs yelping at her, took her to the place where they were all to meet.

Neither her father, nor her mother, nor sonya, nor andrew himself could have foreseen how the separation from her lover would act on natasha.

Another twit

Well I finally gave in and joined Twitter.  In less than a day I have 7 followers, woo!  I’ve noticed that even d-list celebs don’t reply – boooo, sucks to you.  But follow me and I will follow you, that’s a promise.

I’ve even had my first spat with GuyKawasaki because he has a silly profile.  “Then don’t read my tweets”, quoth Mr K.  Don’t worry, I won’t!

twitter.com/Rumpio

Oh and all of you excited Doctor Who fans, come join the party at #doctorwho and #watersofmars.  Tweetdeck is grand, innit?

Adam Ant in Bladerunner! Seriously.

When I was a kid I had a t-shirt with the Adam and the Ants logo on it

Adam and the Ants logo, c.1979
I still have the t-shirt, it’s faded a bit, but I always figured I’d get it reprinted some day.  So while I went searching for the logo I stumbled across a news story which shows that unbeknownst to many (including Adam and Marco Pirroni) an iconic Adam Ant image was used in the film!
 
This is clearly genuine and rather wonderful.  Go look at the swirly spiral building closely (the second photo is more clear) and there he is!
There’s even talk of a new Adam Ant album for 2009 but as it’s already mid-November I won’t hold my breath.  I’d love to hear an Ants album returning to the style of Dirk Wears White Sox.  That stuff really stands the test of time and it’s from a time before they went Pop.  It, as the Americans say, rocks.

More discoveries!

The large-but-yummy actress Julie T Wallace

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Julie T Wallace in a Bond film

(probably best known for The Life and Loves of a She-Devil) is the daughter of British film star Andrew Keir

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Andrew Keir in Dalek movie

Though sadly, according to this entry she’s not getting much work due to her build (she’s 6ft2) and only weird men tend to go for her.  Julie, I’d be interested!  I’m 6ft3 myself and I’ve always wanted a tall girlfriend 🙂

In other news:  Les Dennis’s real surname is Heseltine.  Yikes.

When The Sweeney started John Thaw was only 32 and Dennis Waterman was only 26.  Christ I feel old.