Raging Against the World

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Tag Archives: relationships

What’s a little Sex between Friends?

Regrets?

Whenever I meet a girl and we hit it off, it’s usually not long before I am placed in the “just good friends” category.  We’ll sit at lunch having immensely enjoyable conversation and it won’t be long before the girl will bemoan her singledom and how she just can’t find a good man.  I sit there wondering, “well what’s so wrong about me?”.  To use the old Joan Rivers line, “What am I? Chopped Liver?”

Sometimes I’ll raise the subject saying that I too am available and how we could give it a go, after all we already get on like a house on fire.  The answer always comes back, “I don’t see you in that way”.  Time and time again it happens.  I just can’t start talking to a girl without being shunted into the no-sex box, as though I’m an honorary eunuch.  The ‘safe’ person they can be with and never feel that my perfectly-functional man-bits could come into play.  Maybe they think of me like Barbie’s Ken.  Just an accessory with nothing under the underwear.  But we ‘love’ each other in that friendship way.  No-one could come between us, right?  They then go off with a complete bastard who doesn’t give a damn about them.  C’est la vie.

But can friends have sex without emotional ties?  I once house-shared with a couple of girls and one of them told me I could be her ‘tap’.  We would sneakily have night-time assignations without the knowledge of the other girl (they were bosom pals).  It was purely a physical thing, I was just there for when there was no guy in her life.

I have on occasion been with a friend on a drunken night out where one thing has led to another.  The same thing happens: the sex is great, we both enjoyed it and… the next morning, the cold light of day (literally) seems to render the physical act an abhorrence (to her).  There’s the avoided gaze, the retreat to several feet away.  It’s clear guilt/shame.  How could they have done something so wrong?  With him?  Urgh, what were they thinking?  The great sex has been negated.  It never happened, ok?  A good thing has become a deep dark nasty secret.

I have a friend who is very sexually motivated.  I’ve known her for years and we have had no-strings sex.  It worked out well.  Due to large distance it hasn’t been repeated, but she is unscarred by it.  We still talk regularly, nothing has changed.  Could it be that emotional maturity is the key?  If we can accept it just as a bit of pleasure and enjoyment, would that make it ok?  Who doesn’t enjoy an orgasm?  You know how good it feels.

How often have you heard a married perso say their spouse is “my best friend”?  Let’s blur the boundaries a bit and get rid of some of our self-imposed restrictions.

I’m open to discussion on this. Please leave comments (the lengthier the better).

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